I can’t believe I’m at the end of my second trimester. These months seem to have flown by compared to my first trimester even though I was still going through some significant symptoms. The biggest being my mood swings – oh boy, they have come full frontal in these months. Trying to calm myself down during these swings has been nothing but challenging, but the worst was when my husband went out of town to work for several days. I was utterly overwhelmed by everything in general; housekeeping, cooking, etc. I didn’t realize how much I relied on secondary help until it was no longer available for me – I cried, panicked and did something I usually didn’t do. I reached out to numerous friends, telling them “I’m not OK.” I didn’t bother going into more detail than that because I couldn’t even put into words what was going through my head. I’m lucky that a friend who lives close by decided to drop in to check up on me – even though it was a short visit, I was able to put into words how anxious I was and immediately felt a weight lift off of me.

A sense of community during pregnancy is KEY to surviving any turmoil

Healthwise, I’ve been gaining weight appropriately and eating everything in sight. I still get some morning sickness (once or twice a month), but this is considered normal even though I could happily do without it. My cravings have been interesting, nothing out of the blue per se but I have noticed the types of food I’m craving all come from my childhood: PB&J, Kraft Dinner, Cinnamon Rolls (Just to name a few!) I am loading up on everything carb and not regretting a single bite. Curious to know if there’s any correlation or connection with childhood foods and pregnancy!

Unfortunately, the bigger I get, the more uncomfortable I am. Aside from the daily ligament & back pains, little Spawn is moving at a gargantuan rate, and my sleeplessness has come back. Even though I know it’s due to the pregnancy my anxious mind likes to set up camp during these times. I’m overthinking everything and lucky if I get 6 hours during a work week. Kudos to all women who still work full-time while pregnant! I feel as if I’m struggling most days to be present. My exhaustion has improved vastly from my last post but it’s still here, and I still hate it. I try to push through it the majority of the time, but there are certain days when I just sit on my couch for hours, watching terrible Hallmark movies and hoping a fairy will come by to do my dishes.

I finally had my first OB appointment this month; I was so nervous on meeting my new Doctor since I haven’t had the best track record with them in the past, but I was pleasantly surprised! She’s down to earth and offered me a lot of mental health support pamphlets once I told her about my G.A.D. – she was just as concerned as I was about delivery and post-partum which made me feel relieved that it’s just not in my mind. I honestly feel as if I’m in good hands, even though my mind will be racing for the next three months regardless.

I’ll try to give another update before little Spawn arrives but who knows when this one will want to make a grand entrance – expected due date is August 14th!

Confrontation has never been my strong suit. Even as a kid, if I had to confront someone my speech would become staggered, my face a bright red and my body would go limp. I would try to avoid confrontation at all costs to prevent these symptoms. However, as I got older they seemed to dissipate and it got easier. When I look around at today’s youth, I see that a lot of people are having the same issue but are dealing with it in a very unhealthy way.

When I first heard the term “ghosting” I giggled – I didn’t know that there was a term for ending a relationship by suddenly ceasing all forms of communication. After being on the receiving end of it though, it became less funny. The person who ends up ghosting people take the easy way out, and won’t be around for the aftermath of hurt, pain and confusion. It seems easy in their eyes to forget about how the other person will feel, but, we’re all human and we all have emotions. It’s already bad enough that people with anxiety are their worst critics, imagine adding this unexpected event on top of that.

I do think that ghosting can be selfish, and I do believe that there are ways to go about it differently than just removing them from your life completely. I think the problem lies in our forms of communication – we’re bombarded with different ways to communicate, yet, we severely lack that emotional connection with others.

Here are several things that you can say to make things amicable:

“Hey, last night was great, but I don’t see this moving forward.”
“I just don’t think we’re compatible in that way; I hope you understand.”
“Sorry, I don’t think I can see you again – it’s nothing personal!”

I can continue with this list, but I think you get the idea. What makes us so scared to send a message just like this to someone? In all honesty, I would rather have something like this than being entirely in the dark. It also shows a sign of maturity, too, which a lot of people respect. Just because a relationship ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t all that bad, I tend to think of them as learning experiences and try to find the positive in each of them. You can even thank a ‘ghoster’ at the end of all of this for showing you their true colours, and it may also align with a better picture of what it is that you need in your life.

Let’s rise from being uncomfortable and give others the respect that they deserve