It’s been a while since I’ve written on my blog, and a part of me hates that. I had every intention to keep on writing when my daughter entered the world, but my priorities have drastically switched.

I’m finding it hard these days to take those moments for myself and continue with my passion for writing. I’ve been stretching myself thin by working two jobs and trying to get a piece together for the CBC Literary Contest. Most days, I only have three hours to spend with my daughter, so I try to compound everything between 7 AM and 4 PM. Which also includes cleaning, on top of everything else!

Why am I doing this?

Well, the thing is, my love & passion for writing is still in its infancy stage, so I know that I need to keep my primary source of income AND my side hustle intact until I can branch off. I’d LOVE for my writing to be my main hustle, but I’m also a realist, and I’m trying to do everything that I possibly can to get to that goal. That, unfortunately, means stretching myself thin at present.

Most of you ask if my husband helps, and he does. We are great partners and try to split everything 50/50, but I want to be 100% some days. When he is back at work in the next few weeks, everything will fall on me. I knew this day would come, and I’ve tried to prepare for it as much as I could. Working two jobs isn’t ideal, but I need to get to where I want to be.

How is this affecting my anxiety?

It’s been tough to navigate, but I know that I have the necessary tools and support to follow through. Since my last post, I mentioned how much of a struggle it’s been. I think it’s been like this for all of us. I’m taking it day by day and trying my hardest not to stress overly (…I said trying!)

Will I continue to do this? Probably!
As much as I preach on self-care, I have tunnel vision at the moment. I’m trying to secure my family’s future, and this is the only way I know how. The Home Edit isn’t hiring any Canadian Organizers, so… 😉

In all seriousness, I’m not overly worried about my mental health. Stretching myself thin is one thing, but I would never intentionally damage my well being. Thank you all for the continuous support, and hopefully, I can come back next month with some great news!

Do you ever get such a high that your low feels incredibly LOW?

That’s where I’ve been sitting the last couple of weeks

When I look back on my last post, I think to myself, “man, I thought I had it all figured out.” As always, though, life likes to show up and say, hold my beer.

It’s hard for me to put into words what I’m going through, so, unfortunately, I’m not going to divulge entirely. What I can say, though, is that I am badly stressing out, and my body is fighting back.
Even though I stopped working out 25 days ago, I lost 5 pounds.  
My TMJ has been acting up so badly that I’ve been unable to open my mouth wide enough to eat specific foods.
My IBS has been bothering me over foods that don’t normally upset it.
Stress has won.

The whole house got a common cold recently, and I went into full panic mode over us having COVID-19. Luckily, I had friends to calm me down, and my husband recently took training on symptoms to realize that we’re fine. We cooped ourselves up in our house yet again anyways to avoid spreading it to others. I can’t even tell you the last time I left this house.

I’ve lost all my energy and motivation to do the things that I usually love. All excess of my energy is funnelling into my daughter. I feel as if being a secondary thought to myself is OK even though I know it’s not. I’m doing the best that I can with what I have.

It’s been hard.
It’s been a struggle.
It’s been depleting.

I’m trying to remain hopeful that things will turn around because I feel that’s all that I have left.

So, this blog post is for all of you who are also feeling stressed out, finding it difficult to get past uncertainty, and trying to adjust to a new normal.
I feel like we’re all struggling with something now, and I hope that we can all find the strength to talk about it out loud with others. You’re not alone

Some of you have noticed my absence on here, and I just wanted to touch base.

As I mentioned in a few posts before, I’ve been in isolation months before this quarantine took effect. I would say that I’ve been a homebody for almost 6 months now. Being home has been a challenge on my mental health, and it’s also taken a toll on my relationship with others.

When things are too much, I generally back away, and that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been trying my best to tread in the shallow water while observing the catastrophes surrounding me.

My husband has been unemployed for 10 months now, and the stress of that has been eating away. With no real start date on when things will turn around for the film industry, it’s been a struggle for us to stay positive. My maternity leave will end soon, and I am shrouded with uncertainty even though I am excited to get back to my old routine. It’s hard for me to fall asleep most nights now because my mind is racing with what-ifs. I am exhausted in more ways than one.

My health isn’t any better, and I am entirely to blame for the majority of it.
I’ve gained back all of the weight that I lost months after giving birth. I am not as active as I once was, and that’s given me a slew of secondary issues that make it hard to find the motivation to get up and go. Walking up and down the stairs with my daughter is leaving me breathless, and I’m on the verge of tears, thinking I won’t be able to catch up to her soon.

I’ve also been dealing with jaw problems and perimenopause symptoms, which are the icing on top of everything else.

I can hear people getting annoyed whenever I bring some of these things up, so I’ve just stopped. I preach about opening up and talking, yet here I am doing the opposite. In the grand scheme of things, complaining seems trivial. Who has time to complain about my relationship with my husband, my extreme exhaustion, or the severe daily hot flashes when there are more significant issues? From my perspective, everyone is going through their own shit, so mine seems mundane.

My heart is heavy for the world.
It’s been a challenge to be an empath during these unprecedented times. I’ve tried to limit my social media or news outlets to get a breather, but that is only good for maybe a day or two.

When I watch my daughter play, my chest gets heavy. My anxiety-ridden mind wonders why I would bring a tiny human into a broken world. Her slobbery kisses generally ground me back, but those thoughts can jump back at any moment.

I’m trying to stay hopeful that things will get better soon, but some days it’s hard to be positive. I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking this, so for those who are also struggling: I feel you.

I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of a nut when it comes to relationship advice columns. I follow a bunch of marital groups on Facebook that share marriage memes that I always relate to and always find articles online that I love reading. Sometimes I stumble across a pickle that people find themselves in, and they go to the internet for advice. The comments are usually filled with two solutions: Break up or go to couples therapy. The issue that I’ve noticed emerging from these posts is one thing: everyone generally waits for a crisis before thinking of getting any sort of help.

As you all know, I’m a huge believer in therapy. I’m not ashamed to admit that my husband and I did seek out advice from a therapist years ago when our communication was severely lacking. We didn’t wait for a life-altering issue to arise before we sought out help, and I believe that us going early was the best decision.

When I discuss this with others, they generally acknowledge how their therapy had a low satisfaction rate (as it does typically in today’s society). However, when I ask how long they waited to seek out help, I would get an average of 3-4 YEARS.

Waiting that long before seeking out help is very detrimental for everyone involved. The foundation that you both built together could already have collapsed, making the advice of breaking up the only sound reason for both of you. (There are exceptions to the rule but trust me when I say issues would be a LOT harder to fix the more you draw it out)

When you’re struggling with the same problems over and over again with your partner, don’t wait for something “bigger” to come along to necessitate a visit to a therapist. The sooner you can get in to talk and communicate about what’s happening, the easier it would be for not only you but the therapist as well. I can understand the reason why people feel shame opening up to a stranger, I’ve crossed that path numerous times before. It’s not easy to communicate what’s going on with you when you can’t even divulge this information to your partner. What you need to realize is that this issue is not just yours alone. Many struggle with this and I am confident that people who are close to you can confirm the same thing.

Admitting that there is an issue that needs to be addressed is an excellent first step. Seeking out a trained coupled therapist should be your second if you feel that both of you cannot communicate what you are feeling or unsure of where your relationship is going. Don’t feel too proud or ashamed, therapists are here to support us and not judge. When my husband and I finished up our sessions, I felt elated and back on track from a derailment I didn’t even notice.

Think of therapy as a booster shot, it may sting at first, but it’s needed for growth!