Some of you have noticed my absence on here, and I just wanted to touch base.

As I mentioned in a few posts before, I’ve been in isolation months before this quarantine took effect. I would say that I’ve been a homebody for almost 6 months now. Being home has been a challenge on my mental health, and it’s also taken a toll on my relationship with others.

When things are too much, I generally back away, and that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been trying my best to tread in the shallow water while observing the catastrophes surrounding me.

My husband has been unemployed for 10 months now, and the stress of that has been eating away. With no real start date on when things will turn around for the film industry, it’s been a struggle for us to stay positive. My maternity leave will end soon, and I am shrouded with uncertainty even though I am excited to get back to my old routine. It’s hard for me to fall asleep most nights now because my mind is racing with what-ifs. I am exhausted in more ways than one.

My health isn’t any better, and I am entirely to blame for the majority of it.
I’ve gained back all of the weight that I lost months after giving birth. I am not as active as I once was, and that’s given me a slew of secondary issues that make it hard to find the motivation to get up and go. Walking up and down the stairs with my daughter is leaving me breathless, and I’m on the verge of tears, thinking I won’t be able to catch up to her soon.

I’ve also been dealing with jaw problems and perimenopause symptoms, which are the icing on top of everything else.

I can hear people getting annoyed whenever I bring some of these things up, so I’ve just stopped. I preach about opening up and talking, yet here I am doing the opposite. In the grand scheme of things, complaining seems trivial. Who has time to complain about my relationship with my husband, my extreme exhaustion, or the severe daily hot flashes when there are more significant issues? From my perspective, everyone is going through their own shit, so mine seems mundane.

My heart is heavy for the world.
It’s been a challenge to be an empath during these unprecedented times. I’ve tried to limit my social media or news outlets to get a breather, but that is only good for maybe a day or two.

When I watch my daughter play, my chest gets heavy. My anxiety-ridden mind wonders why I would bring a tiny human into a broken world. Her slobbery kisses generally ground me back, but those thoughts can jump back at any moment.

I’m trying to stay hopeful that things will get better soon, but some days it’s hard to be positive. I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking this, so for those who are also struggling: I feel you.

Roughly five years ago my then supervisor sent an e-mail to our team with an MBTI test. For those of you who are not aware, MBTI is Myers-Briggs. It was defined by a mother-daughter team based off of Carl Jung’s theory that humans experience the world with four functions: sensation, intuition, feeling and thinking.
I was always fascinated with these types of tests, so I dove right into the questionnaire. After answering all of my answers honestly, I was given four letters: INFJ

I = Introversion (preferred to extraversion)

N = Intuition (preferred to sensing)

F = Feeling (preferred to thinking)

J = Judging (preferred to perception)

A lot of my co-workers came back with EXXX types of personalities but I was quite similar to my supervisor, and that made me quite thankful to know I wasn’t the only introvert in the office. The test came with a comprehensive assessment, and I was blown away by it all. I felt as if I was being described perfectly about how I handle situations.

So what does it mean being an INFJ? I can get exhausted and overstimulated from social interactions and prefer interacting with a handful of people or alone with a book. I am very open-minded, imaginative and curious which can be an asset when looking at the bigger picture. I am sensitive and have a lot of empathy which makes my competitive nature almost non-existent. I have no spontaneity whatsoever – I prefer predictability, structure and am quite organized. Some negatives include; being self-conscious and sensitivity to stress. I experience a wide range of emotions and call myself a “Monica” because of my perfectionistic drive.

I was hooked, this test gave me so much clarity! When I got home later that evening, I tried to soak up as much information as I could. If this summary was completely on point, there must be MORE information that I can gather to make sense of myself.

Guess what? Anxiety ties into INFJ just like PB&J – for years I was led to believe that my personality was “wrong” and always had self-doubt creeping in the back of my mind. Now that I was down a path to learn more about my perception I started to love myself in whole other light. All of those negative opinions of me being “too emotional,” “a loner,” “not trying” seemed to wash over me. If Mother Teresa was an INFJ, it can’t be all that bad!badass

It’s not even 9 am and I’m already having a case of the Mondays.

case-of-the-mondays-pic.jpg

Last night before I was heading to bed my husband went into a slight panic attack. Nothing to worry about – I was able to calm him down from a ten to a six within minutes. The only downside to this issue is that I’m an empath.

What the heck is an empath, Andrea?!
So glad you asked! Being an empath means that you can feel others’ energies. The number one trait of an empath is to feel/sense their emotions whether it be physical, spiritual, etc. In layman’s terms – you are an emotional sponge. Being able to process other people’s feelings and energies means that I can sometimes take on what their feeling: sad, anger or in this case, anxiety.

While I was quite eager to help calm down my husband I knew there would be a possibility of his anxiety rubbing off on me, and boy did it hit me hard. I wasn’t able to fully calm myself down until 3 am this morning, and even then I was in and out of sleep till my alarm went off at 7 am.
Fatigue is a big symptom associated with empaths, and I’ve grown quite accustomed to it at this point.

I still pushed on with my morning.
I scheduled an oil change for 8 am and what is a 45-minute appointment (usually) will now turn into a longer wait due to customer backlog. What’s the point of making an appointment? SIGH More people are showing up in the lobby – even though I am in the corner writing this up, I can still touch on the majority of the emotions in this room: tiredness (PREACH) and annoyance.

Being an empath can be a blessing and a curse – I’ll delve more into this later. Due to my environment today I’m letting it affect me more negatively. So, I’m having a case of the Mondays.

Think you might be an empath? Take this quiz to find out:
http://www.tarameyerrobson.com/empath-test/