I recently went to see a new psychiatrist. I’m not always keen on seeing someone new, as it usually takes a lot out of me going over what has happened in my past. Even though I don’t feel those emotions today, reliving them bubbles up how I used to feel, and I generally become overwhelmed with emotion and completely drained. I initially put in a referral for this psychiatrist when I was 6 months pregnant and feeling incredibly low. Unfortunately, the earliest appointment that I could get was the last week of October, almost three months postpartum.
“Why haven’t you seen me sooner?” was her first question, and I scoffed. I reiterated that I have been trying to nail down an appointment every time I saw my general practitioner and my OB, but no one from her office contacted me. She apologized and said referrals get lost, but I brought along a note from her office, dated in June. I knew it wasn’t lost, but I was waiting for my turn, getting a free service in Canada has its downfalls.
After 40 minutes of talking to her and putting my heart out on the line, she was quick to judge that I was misdiagnosed years ago, and I may be bipolar. She rushed through different dates to come back, what type of things I should expect from the next appointments and briefly touched on medications. I left the office feeling deflated and cried my way to McDonald’s, where I ate my feelings.
After discussing it with my husband and some family, I figured out the reason I was crying was not due to a misdiagnosis but due to her lack of empathy and arrogance over knowing me after 40 minutes. When I talked to my friend (who I know was diagnosed bipolar years ago), she mentioned I should go to CAMH – Center for Addiction and Mental Health – for a second opinion. After my appointments in November, I will. I don’t agree entirely with her on this quick diagnosis, and if I am genuinely bipolar, I would preferably someone there give it to me straight.
I’ve been festering with this information for a week now, and it made me think of all the times that I went to seek out professional help and how upset I was at not finding the right person for me. It took me over 5 years to find my last therapist!
After talking with some friends and going through my own history, I’ve made a list of reasons why we stopped or changed our therapists/psychiatrists:
Even though I’m unsure if she’s the right fit for me, I will still go to those appointments in November. I have no problem revisiting my old trauma and going over my behavioural patterns; I would just rather fully immerse myself in a doctor I know I can see for an extended period. If I am not fully satisfied by the end, I will definitely put in a call to CAMH and get a second opinion.
If you happen to go through any of those issues listed above, I do recommend seeing a new therapist. Just remember, if you do feel stuck in divulging your past or present, changing a doctor will not likely help. Reliving things are uncomfortable and can hurt in many ways, but it’s the only way you can potentially move forward and heal yourself.